Sunday, November 9, 2014

Tripped into some feelings.


Just about the moment I realized I was going to be staying alone. All by myself with no one to share a space with or worry about the washroom being clean. I was almost looking back to see if someone would tap me on the shoulder and tell me it was a trick. But I think it started on a wonderful note for me. I did not really feel the drag and sudden emptiness of staying alone for the first time because of an upcoming travel. I only remember a haze of packing, loading, travelling, unpacking and organizing, with a lot of help from my mum.  Before I could find myself alone, I was again packing for an international travel and a first for me.

But I don’t think I will ever again be so wonderfully happy, liberated and completely independent as I am now, living alone. To trip into this phase has been one of the best things to happen to me until now. To be at peace with myself, realizing I love spending time with myself, rediscovering my love for cooking and all the parties and night outs! J As it takes a lot of planning to manage a home with 3 other people, it takes much more planning to do it for one person.  Right from the fruits, grocery shopping and deciding whether or not to buy a new kettle even if you are not registered!

But as I take my filter coffee and sit out on the terrace with Vikram Seth’s “A Suitable Boy”, and some lovely music playing in the background, with the hustle of the street below, I only smile to myself, glad that things worked out the way they have. Cheers to the ice-cream that will not be shared with anyone! ;)

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Second Chances

Gold medals throughout school. Team lead for all extra-curricular activities. Head girl for the school. Before she began to get a balance of studies and the friendships that were beginning to take deep roots, it was time to move on to study more. Got up early, even before the dirt and baggage from the previous day was cleared. Buried herself in the books until the sunlight streamed in, sharp and nudging to move. But she never got the chance to view the transition. Never looked up to see the sunrise. Studied more, but she was never sure she was passionate about it. The disappointment of rejection to premier institutes was hard and nerve wracking, but she missed the sunrise, so she did not know how to make peace with it.
              
  Engineering she would do. Not because she loved fiddling with that piece of code until it became a working prototype, but because. She figured she should have a better answer than ‘because’, but she never looked deep enough. Higher studies she would do. Not in the place she chose to do it because invariably she was faced with a disturbing choice. Employed she would be. Not having prior experience ruled out any form of expectation from the workplace. But married she would not be. Never before in her life did she have to so consciously say no or question every step she was asked to take. Because all her life she questioned herself about every decision and wondered why she never got a chance to do what she really wanted. But she didn't realize that everything is a matter of choice. A choice of ethics, morals, confidence and happiness.  A second chance to pursue dreams and happiness was always within reach. The steam from the mirror had to just be wiped away. 


As long as hope and gut are within reach, the second chance is right there. Waiting for you to grab it with open arms and a spring in your step.