Wednesday, December 28, 2016

In the heat of Dangal, but not really

This is not a review, and as I mentioned, I've lured you to read by referencing Dangal a couple of times.But I loved the movie so if you haven't watched it yet, please do!

How absolutely amazing was Dangal! I took my parents for this movie and it took an Aamir Khan movie to convince my father to come watch the movie(the last movie he watched on the big screen was Lagaan). All three of us loved it and my mother and me only understood too well the glimpse of having a Haanikarak Bapu as my dad was a very strict disciplinarian while I was growing up. But my father was also excellent in doing his job of being a father and though we disagreed about most things, we may have made peace over the years. It wasn't an intervention because, despite other frictions, he was quite ahead of his times in the way he treated me and other girl cousins. He was all for making sure there was no nonsense about not giving the girls enough opportunities to pursue whatever they wanted.And most importantly, he didn't think that by being more fair, by demanding equal rights, he was doing the womenfolk a favor. He did it because it's the natural way to deal with rights, and that's my beef with a lot of crap that we accept and glorify these days.

A friend, a Ms.Decentgoodgirl recently got married and me and a few other friends who haven't met up in a long time decided to get lunch together and went to this nice restaurant that serves great pan-asian food and unlimited cocktails(even these fictional characters need alcohol to survive what's coming next). So there were 6 of us, a Ms.Decentgoodgirl, Ms.Badassthroughoutcollege, Ms.Asfeministasyoucanget, Ms.Tellsmommyeverything, Ms.almostagreeswithme and unmarried myself. 4 of them were married within the space of a few months and Ms.almostagreeswithme was still single. After photos and jewelry and rings were examined thoroughly, we got talking about life on the other side, and after a few drinks, everyone was talking about how great their husbands were. It was really sweet until one of them said how lucky she was that her husband helped with "some" of the cleaning and making the bed etc. Ms.Decentgoodgirl also chimed in, exclaiming how lucky she was that her better half cooked breakfast sometimes on Sundays. We also heard how lucky Ms.Tellsmummyeverything was because she was still allowed to work, just making sure she got back home one hour earlier than her husband. Luckiest was Ms.Badassthroughtcollege whose husband had decided that she will be allowed to have two kids and also, gasp, she will be allowed to work if she wants to once the kids grow up. The singles needed a lot of LIIT's to process these beautiful journeys at the end of this story.

Now this hypothetical scene seems fairly normal and you must be wondering what a horrible, petty and jealous person I am to find faults with these great guys who are supporting their wives do chores which ideally should be divided between the two. Yes? I honestly want to tell everyone who's reading that in reality, I have friends who have been married recently and have such wonderful spouses and it's really endearing and happy to see them work like a perfect team and have such great husbands and wives who understand what it takes to start a good marriage and work towards it. But I have also heard the above mentioned situations and references and it sickens me. I simply don't understand how something so obvious and foundation worthy becomes a 'favor'. Stumbling upon a lottery ticket which is used as a paper cone for your behl puri makes you lucky. Having a partner who treats chores and responsibilities as something he/she can occasionally dip their hands in is not lucky by any definition.And what's worse, we, the presumed logical batch, are totally okay with it, glorify it and let it sneak it's way into how we live. Is being married/a mother a necessary qualification to understand and talk about how wrong this is? I hope not, because we are still living in times where arranged marriages happen, where in some parts of the society, being a good housewife is the only necessary attribute for a marriage and now , in times where it's becoming quite confusing to state basic rights for the fear of the F word.

It's very easy to sneak in patriarchy disguised as concern. And why did I reference Dangal? Because I was so attracted to that fierceness of those girls on screen and it's absolutely not a good space to be in if we still think we are lucky if we have partners who are lauded for only doing their job and sharing responsibility that was supposed to be equally divided for starters. I think I often keep repeating this phrase in my posts, but we cannot be carriers of these social evils. Equal parts tiring and terrifying, it's high time this stops.

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Mera beta Badminton player banega

Image Credit: AIB
    AIB posted this picture on the internet after the Men's Singles Badminton QF at the Olympics, Rio, 2016 where Srikanth Kidambi lost the match to Lin Dan, who was in the race to defend his previous golds. I haven't watched a single game in the Rio Olympics before this, but after feeling disappointed on missing out PV Sindhu's match the previous day, I decided to go ahead and watch it, despite having no knowledge about the jargon of the game, or the rules on how it's played. All I had to do was to keep my eyes on the shuttle and the bat( lol) . And as AIB viewed it, I was quite enthralled by Superman playing in front of me. What impressed me the most, and made me want to respect this player so bad was his absolute calm, his demeanour, his skill and his entire body language on the court. What a hero.

Even though I haven't been watching the Olympics, I had been skimming through the news, had been quite disgusted by sardonic tweets about the lack of medals , and in general, got the picture about how we, as a nation, are quite adept at proving what bloody hypocrites we are.A lot has already been written and shared and tweeted about how the journey to be on the Olympics berth has been quite horrifying and an extremely painful, humiliating and de-moralizing journey for so many athletes who were participating in the Games. How cash prizes seem to make sense for when they are preparing rather than an announcement later( which I am not 100 % sure actually reaches the athletes). But let's maybe talk about life after the Olympics.

Cheering for our players has a very feel-good factor about it and it's something we folks never shy away from. It's the bit about how much we support them even when they lose( due to a million other reasons that the janta is not aware of) that bugs me. When the Indian Women's hockey team won the World Cup in 2015 and returned home, there was no tumultuous applause and a grinning crowd waiting to receive them. Sucks right?The lack of sensitivity and lack of pride is extremely discouraging. As a one-person system , since we cannot do the following right away- change the system, fire the sports minister, eradicate corruption in India, give the athletes the respect and resources that they deserve, stop poorly informed politicians and "writers" from dishing out expert advice like me, what we can effectively do is to maybe start being a better support system. Start by telling these real heroes that they make us so proud and motivate and inspire millions.

We are so caught up in trying to play catch up with lives that we endorse on social media and complain about how it is unfair that we have only measly 24 hours in a day. But these real heroes beat the hell out of 24 hours and dedicate themselves to their sport in a way that can only be inspiring. So there must be some way we can support them, without having to wait for the Big change to happen and for things to automatically fix themselves. I ain't talking about working in groups, but about whatever support and motivation we can give in small ways as an individual. Encourage a kid who wants to play one extra hour of tennis, reason out with parents if they don't think it's a right "career path" ; participate and take a keen interest in keeping local sports clubs active; try and motivate kids to watch sports other than cricket ; cheer the athletes so hard they can feel the endorphins bouncing off you. In whatever way you can think of, instead of depending on a failed institution.

For my part,I think I'll go and wait outside the Hyderabad Airport when PV Sindhu and Srikanth Kidambi get back and attempt to embarrass them with my fandom. Any takers?

Monday, August 1, 2016

Anandamaaye!

 When Anukokunda released and then became viral and then every other telugu friend of mine was going through the "Ayyo, Anukokunda choodaleda inka?", I used to give them Prof.McGonagall equivalent stares and ask them to calm down because I had watched the movie and wasn't terribly swept away by it other than loving the background song that was playing through the short film and which I eventually set as my ringtone back then. Catchy as hell.

 A couple of years and Sainma came out. I was pestered and badgered into watching the movie by A who was singing eloquent praises about the short film and how wonderfully it was shot. When I finally saw Sainma, I was simply bowled over. By the sheer genius, by the immense dedication and the intelligent handling of every shot that makes the movie seem so effortless and such a joy to watch. Having no so experience whatsoever in direction or the study that goes into making a film, I still knew it took so much effort and patience to make something so good.

 When I saw Pellichoopulu, I wanted to do the exact same thing as above. I wanted to grab the next person beside me and make them watch the movie, because it was that bloody good. What groundbreaking idea did the director try to showcase?- No biggie, he just made a breather of a rom-com which will leave you grinning as you see snippets of your life, friends and general chilling around in Hyderabad come to life on the big screen. And with the added horror of not including a sleazy, puke inducing, gyrating item song. Who even does that these days and still hopes to be successful?- Tharun Bhascker. Good guy you. One of the best things about this movie is it's honesty- the honest to death conversations between the leads and the adorable friends-of-the hero( please be my friend Priyadarshi? ) ; the honesty of the humor that will have you wiping off tears and not having to worry being the only person laughing so loud in a cineplex because everyone else around you are laughing equally loudly; the honesty in the pace and execution of the story and finally, the honesty in that wonderful music. I admire creativity immensely. Being able to visualize and conceptualize a story and bring it to life, and to be able to pull out notes and music from inside of you and being able to see through a vision to glorious reality is admirable and enviable. And the team of this movie has just done that brilliantly well.

Did I already mention how good the music for this movie is? I think I will use "Sakhiye" as my own personal anthem , like background music for myself .  And will go through the tiring process of setting it as my ringtone, because, hello iphone! I always liked "Anand's brother" more in my favorite movie Anand and the extremely good looking, aged like excellent wine Anish Kuruvilla did a great job in this movie too and I can't wait for him to take up more of these interesting roles. Usually, all movie reviews end up with a rating but the idea of setting a digit to tell you how good this movie is quite laughable, so just grab that popcorn and enjoy!


Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Relax man.

So many women have heard this phrase so many times in their lives. Relax. Don't react. Don't make things ugly. Don't disrespect the wonderful person who's making life hell for you. Don't allow the atrocities to be highlighted. Don't make a mountain hill out of a mole. Don't raise your voice against things that matter. Don't give enough importance to your independence. And the list continues. And not saying that this doesn't happen with men, they get plummeted really bad at times, but this post is more edging towards the tone and control that is used against women.

Usually most of my posts are the result of a trigger, something that really angers me. And regrettably, many times I relax and don't address the issue but this post was long coming. In that juncture of my life where me/my parents want me married , friends married and friends looking to get married, there have been so many instances and versions of the relax. Because when I say something that doesn't sit quite right with me, I am usually asked to tone down and think about what the society will label me as, the same crowd that pesters my parents about my marriage, the same crowd whose own marriages are not exemplary, the same crowd who have children who have gone against their wishes and chosen bliss elsewhere. For the lack of a stronger word as I type, it irks me so much that my personality and choices are scrutinized by someone who is not even authorized the least bit to do so.

There are multiple angles to this scenario but I am going to vent a bit about the angle which bothers me the most. As a 25 something(damn) who has gone through the rigor of Bharat Matrimony and similar social evils, there have been so many versions of the relax that I have encountered and been put through. From being asked to put more make up to look presentable, to being asked to dress down to hide the supposed flamboyant personality, to being asked to more like "myself"(when actually all they want is me to match their impossible standards) and to being asked to "adjust and compromise" a bit more, it's purely evil.

The problem lies not with the arranged marriage set up, the problem starts when the issues that matter are disregarded and everyone starts focusing on things that make absolutely no sense. I cannot fathom how unreal expectations are put forth, only to be crushed when the other person insists on fair play. Parents insist on providing top notch education for their girls and insist on them topping all classes and exams, only to reduce to them to an entity that should behave/dress in a way that will please a boy and his family. This paradox I cannot understand till date and only hope that in coming generations, when the lot I know has children, destroy this hypocrisy. We emphasize on becoming modern and progressive, but at the end of the day, we tell the daughter/sister that she needs an identity tied to a brother/father/husband to be accepted into the society.

And god forbid, if she refuses, if she speaks up, if she insists on being treated fair, there will a slew of relatives and the good-ol-aunty who will admonish your parents for raising a terribly mannered independent modern girl who cannot respect her future husband/in-laws. I do not want to relax when such atrocities are being downplayed, such hypocrisies are allowed to exist and we still make such a big deal when the girl says that she doesn't really fancy cooking 3 course meals on a daily basis. Some women have worked and faced brunt for an entire generation to ensure that women don't comply to everything that is put forward to them, but here we are, complying and internally justifying social evils just to please someone else. Not every tradition or custom is bad, but the most important thing here is "choice".

I see so many women go through emotional guilt trips when they refuse or stand up to something, because at the back of their minds, there's always the self doubt of whether we are worth the trouble. I cannot insist enough that there is nothing wrong with making your choice, standing by your choice and making the choice to be utterly, and totally happy with whatever you decide. So much power to this.