I like your lipstick

Recently, a notice was sent out to all the employees working in my company regarding Sexual Harassment. Usually, when there are some guidelines and policy notifications, the email is marked for reading later but when this popped up in my mailbox today, I decided to read what exactly the policy describes.  At the end of the document, I was not completely satisfied by what I was reading.  But I can hardly blame the creators of this document or the policy makers for this. My workplace is strongly bound by a set of values, a moral compass and principles that are not questionable and have to be adhered to by every employee in the company. But what do we do about those who actively seek out loopholes?

                  It has not been very long since I started working for a Multi-National Company. And maybe this lack of experience makes me more hot-headed and less patient to deal with issues such as this. But I do not regret that I am a novice because in this case, usually experience is also sometimes linked to learning to “get used” to it. No one should get used to sexual harassment, gender bias or prejudice at work. My issue is not with the document that was circulated. My issue is that, even in the document which should ideally mentally prepare us to be aware of such a situation, does nothing close to it. If there is a use of a wordsmith, it is here in such scenarios when the situation should be explained as explicitly as it can be, but of course making sure the tone is polite enough. Not many of us even realize that a co-worker is saying something extremely inappropriate. Or maybe in most cases, how do we even decide what is okay and what is not?

                We need to be able to decide, create a filter in our minds that lets us decide what is OKAY and what is NOT OKAY to say. We work in environments where a person sitting next to our cubicle could be a psychopath or “charmers” as some claim to fame. They could be exceptionally brilliant at work, but how do we make sure that line stays where it is? Does being more experienced and spending more time in the industry make you more sensitive to the issue or is it quietly accepted as something inevitable?  As I am writing this, I realize with quiet horror that most of us face this harassment at work. In a recent chat with my friends, who like me have just begun their careers, there is inevitably the talk of the mentor or the colleague who gives us the creeps. If this is happening to 3 women out of 5, I don’t even want to see the bigger picture and number. And as for the harassment against men, that can will contain many more worms.  

               This piece is not about protective techniques, nor is it about how the system fails us. It is an open question. To complain or not to complain?

*Edit 1: A dear friend pointed out that the right question would be more in the lines of " What should be complained and what shouldn't be?"

***Edit 2: Another dear friend had some wonderful views on this topic which I am going to post right here for convenience :

               Incidentally, just yesterday one of my colleagues (a very nice guy, by all standards) made an irresponsible and insensitive remark - something on the lines of "only women will get a hike in salary" (When the fact is that the opposite is actually true. Women are still not paid equally, we should talk about that too sometime!). It did not help that this was in a team meeting, and he was recently promoted to a senior position. He meant it as a joke apparently. I went home and thought long and hard about the whole thing.
Should I confront him? Should I express my displeasure? Was I being paranoid? Unnecessarily creating a scene? Making a mountain of a mole hill? 

I'm sure everyone on the receiving end of sexual harassment, sexist remarks/jokes (which is what this was) and gender bias would go through the same line of thought. Well, I've done a bunch of research on the internet, and coupled with my own views, I've concluded that you NEVER LET SUCH THINGS SLIDE. And this holds especially at the workplace.

I went and spoke to him today, telling him that what he said was pretty sexist and I was not pleased at all. He was extremely receptive about what I had to say. He apologized profusely, and said he would be more mindful of what he said and did from now on.

I think most men we would encounter today (at least the people we meet at the workplace) would never want to be thought of as leering creeps or sexist or prejudiced. However, many of them are blissfully unaware of how their words or actions affect other people, especially women. I believe that the men who sexually harass are mostly the ones who've hardly seen women working in an office and hence find it hard not to objectify them. They've probably never had a woman tell them that she doesn't like it (yeah, our film industry is not helping either). Which is why, we should. On the same lines, people who keep making sexist remarks at the workplace have probably never been told that it's not right.

At a workplace, anything discriminatory that makes one uncomfortable or makes one feel unpleasant, because of something that someone said or did, should be immediately addressed. "Discriminatory" here means unfair/harmful behaviour because of a quality or aspect that can never change - gender, race, colour, age, sexual orientation. The first step is to not be afraid and confront the person (this should be done in a closed area, since we do not want to embarrass the guy in front of everyone) and politely tell them that this is unacceptable. In 90% of the cases, the men will apologize and never dare to do it again. Also it's never too late to speak out. Doesn't matter if the guy has been harassing you for a while now.

However, the situation gets complicated if the guy is a manager (who can fire you). In such cases, the woman must deal with caution. At least in big IT companies and MNCs, the situation is improving now with all the awareness, at least on an e-paper. Women working in small businesses would probably have more such boss-is-my-harasser situations :(

I strongly believe that people should also have a discussion about the issue and actually talk/mail and chat about it instead of just reading about it separately. The greatest change in any discriminatory system comes when the privileged people in the system grow actively against it. We need to talk to men, our teammates, about the issue and find out what their views are. Keeping this a taboo is the biggest enemy to a victim, since it makes it hard for her to acquire the first weapon she will need - courage.